So I think it's time for a better system, and I am just the one to design it. It's a ten point scoring system, and it works on a binary basis, by which I mean that there are ten criteria that the hotel either has or does not have. Each of the following criteria is worth one point:
- Hangers in closet are free-hanging and ready to steal, not like those annoying ones that leave you with a nub on top while the hangy part stays fixed.
- Conditioner is in a separate bottle to the shampoo.
- Room service/housekeeping/concierge uses your name when you call them from the room.
- Something yummy is left in your room daily - the welcome fruit does not count.
- The temperature selector on the air conditioning thermostat has some connection to the temperature it will actually deliver.
- There is an easy-to-find TV channel listing.
- Internet access is free (bonus point if wireless).
- Room is any one of: tasteful, cool, sleek, ridiculously large, has excellent view.
- The widescreen TV doesn't stretch every crappy analogue standard-aspect channel it receives, rendering most movies unwatchable.
- A firm pillow is available, or can be provided with a minimum of fuss.
Thus I can rate this current trip as follows:
G Hotel, Penang: 5
Hilton Kuala Lumpur: 8
Puteri Pacific, Johor Bahru: 3
Howard Plaza, Kaohsiung: 3.5 (because three pieces of welcome fruit is better than one)
The pass mark is necessarily low, because I want to leave room for a hotel to really satisfy me, and for me to be able to express that. Hence, even though the G Hotel gets 5, I'd happily stay there again. The Howard Plaza Kaohsiung is serviceable, but the Puteri Pacific just makes me sad in so many unexplainable ways.
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